I’m having an argument with my mom- can you reblog or like this if you’re a Lizzie Bennet Diaries/Emma Approved fan that isn’t a teenager?
I must be missing.
You would think that maybe since I have been surrounded by death for about five years now, I would find solace in spirituality. I have faced trials, but I have not come out the other side overtly religious or deity-inclined. But I look around - and call me ignorant, or naive, but the happiest people around me are those that practice religion. So many that I respect believe in a higher power and pray, albeit sporadically, when they seek guidance. They have faith.
And, yet, I also have faith. I have faith in the absoluteness of life. I have faith in the mathematical foundation to everything around us, and while I may not understand microbiology or neuroscience of any sort, I without a doubt believe that when we die, our energy persists but our consciousness, our spirit, will not.
But, please do not interpret my own beliefs as close-minded. I have sought religion in the past, I have gone to church and been to youth groups and prayed. I have CRAVED God. I want to believe. More than that, I want to have faith and I want to feel safe and I want to pray and feel complete in the presence of God.
But I can’t. Am I stupid? Do I lack the capacity to understand God? How can that be?
This is me, asking for help. I want to know God. But I’m afraid it’s too late for me, because I know, with certainty, that he does not exist. I just want to understand. Someone, prove me wrong. I want to believe but I just can’t.